Be, Be Your Love
by frozenhands
Summary: Everything comes back to them all at once.
1. Chapter 1

**_Be, Be Your Love_**

* * *

_Cause everybody's got their way I should feel  
Everybody's talking how I can't be your love_  
_But I want want wanna be your love_  
_Want to be your love, for real_  
_Everybody's talking how I can't be your love_  
_But I want to be your love_  
_Want to be your love for real._

* * *

It was with a shaky sigh that Ricky walked up to the Boykewich home, looking for his ex-fiancé. The door swung open as he approached and Ricky shuffled his leather jacket slightly and backed up with a wary smile turning the corner of his lip. Maybe they could have a pleasant conversation, at least, be civil - it had been six months since he'd seen her, and he knew John was bursting with excitement.

But it wasn't Amy that appeared in front of the door. Instead his eyes fell upon a figure he hadn't seen in months, hadn't been expecting to see now.

"Ricky. She isn't there," the woman said sadly, sympathy spreading across her face.

He took a sharp breath, the figure slowly coming into complete view. "Adrian." She wore a black shirt, a plaid blue jacket pulled tightly around her form as her highlighted, shorter brown curls reached just slightly below her shoulders. She was a bit slimmer, though she'd always been in shape.

"Hi."

"Hi. What do you mean, she's not there?"

She chewed on her lip. "She left. It's just Ben... If you want to talk to him, I was just leaving."

He thought for a second and shook his head. "Of course she's not there. I don't know why she even had us meet up here in the first place. Kind of disrespectful." A rhetorical statement; he was ranting.

"I...don't know. I'm sure Ben..."

"This is just like her," he muttered.

"Sorry."

He and Amy had planned for him to pick her up at Ben's house, but she must have changed her mind. Not sure why he was surprised, he let out a long sigh. "It's okay."

"I think she was heading your way if you wanted to talk to..."

"I don't need to see Ben." He shrugged. "Just...I don't need to see 'em. I'm gonna head home."

"She's probably there." Adrian tried for a smile but it faltered when she met Ricky's disappointed gaze.

He brought his arm up to check his watch. "It's about eight. That's usually when I put him down for bed. She's probably putting him down. Probably'll leave to her hotel before I even make it back there."

"I'm sorry, Ricky."

"No, it's not your problem." He shrugged. "Well, I should probably be going."

She nodded. "Me too. See you."

As she passed by him, Ricky turned around. "Hey, Adrian?"

"Yeah?" She turned her head back to glance at him.

"Were they... together, do you know?"

She scrunched her face up in partial disgust. "I think so. Ben was kind of...well, disheveled, when I saw him."

"That's great. That's time she could have spent with her only son. I shouldn't be dragging you into this. Sorry. I'm just...She's throwing me in a million different directions."

"Don't worry about it, really."

He gave the best smile he could and nodded. Taking in her frame, he watched her for a second as she walked away. "Hey," he called again. She smiled and turned back around.

"You look nice. I mean, you always look nice. But you look different-nice."

"I'm trying for a new look, I guess," she laughed slightly. "Thank you. You look nice, too."

He gave a half smile. "I don't really have anywhere to go now, I guess. Do you want to hang out?"

"That's quite a proposition, Ricky." She laughed.

"Sorry, I don't mean it like that. I mean, it's nice to see you. It's been a while."

"I know. I was kidding. Um... I'd like that, yeah." She shrugged. "What do you have in mind?"

"It's a nice night. Wanna just... meet up at my house, take a walk or somethin'?"

She smiled. "Sure."

They walked to their cars together and backed out of the driveway.

* * *

Adrian was slightly behind Ricky, driving from her memory towards his house. When she reached it, he was already out of his car and appearing to be arguing with Amy in the threshold of the door. Adrian sat in her car for a moment, hesitantly turning the engine off and stepping out, approaching slowly. Maybe her presence could break up whatever fight they were having; maybe she should have stayed in her car.

It was too late now. She was walking up to them and biting her lip. "Hey... Amy... How are you?"

Amy appeared flustered and out of breath. She took a deep breath when she saw Adrian and smiled. "Hi, Adrian. I'm..." she stuttered, "I'm good, thank you for asking. How have you been?"

"I've been good, thanks."

"I was just leaving." She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Bye, Ricky," she tried politely, swallowing nervously. "Sorry," she whispered hoarsely before turning and walking off. Adrian opened her mouth and then closed it.

"I'm sorry about that," Ricky said. "Didn't really think she'd be here."

"You're fine," Adrian shrugged it off. "Hope everything's okay there."

"Not really. But you know."

"Not...really."

"Want to take a walk and just forget this whole thing?" Ricky offered.

"Sounds great."

The moon shone bright and full among a backdrop of twinkling stars. Adrian looked out at the sky, breathing in the cool autumn night as she walked next to Ricky, her legs feeling like jello, body slightly tensed up, keenly aware of his presence. "Sorry if I'm kind of... quiet. I just. Why now?" Adrian penetrated the silence.

Ricky's eyes landed on hers and they held each other's gaze. "I guess it's just been a long time and seeing you tonight took me by surprise. It'd be nice to catch up."

She bit her lip and nodded her head. Both of them were older, more mature. What would it be like to reunite as friends, acquaintances? They still knew each other, but at the same time, they didn't.

"How's college?"

"College is really good. It's a new start for me."

He smiled. "Good to hear. I plan to get around there eventually. My mother's more than willing to babysit, but I've been wanting to save up some money first. I guess I've been putting it off. Just working at the butcher shop still."

She nodded her head. She had taken a job as a librarian, which she thoroughly enjoyed, spending most of her mornings thumbing through a book before organizing shelves and answering anyone's questions. "I work at the local library when I'm not at school," she told him.

"Sounds like a good job for you. You like it?"

"I love it," she chuckled. "I'm able to get in a good amount of reading even at work."

He smiled, happy to hear she was doing well. "I'm happy for you, Adrian."

"Thanks. I haven't told you this in a while, but I'm proud of you, Ricky. You're doing good by your son. I always knew you would."

His stomach fluttered. "Thanks. That means a lot. It's hard to be patient sometimes when he acts up, but he's a pretty good kid. I just remind myself to take a breath. It's hard being a..." He paused, the words 'single parent' almost leaving his lips. Were they true? Was he a single parent? Amy had her weekly video chats with John, but Ricky was the one to take him to preschool. Ricky was the one who bandaged his "ow-ies" and tucked him in at night and bought him clothes and food.

"It's hard without Amy around to help out," he finished smoothly. They reached the park across the street and came to a stop, both sitting down at the bench. They were the only ones there among the playground equipment.

Adrian eyed the swings, hanging there, still and unused. She bit her lip and looked over at Ricky. "You want to?"

He smirked and chuckled. "Let's do it."

They jogged over and hopped in a swing, kicking off the ground and swinging, low to the ground at first, until gaining momentum and soaring higher into the sky, the creaking of the swing set bringing back childhood memories. They laughed and looked over at each other.

"Jump on three? Come _on_, Ricky," Adrian laughed.

"Alright, alright. On three."

"One," they said together, voices getting more excited as they counted, "twoooo_, threee," _and throwing their bodies out of the swings, they landed into the grass with a thud, falling tangled against each other's bodies. They both laughed, feeling young and alive and carefree, and Ricky leaned up on his arm and realized he was holding himself directly above Adrian. His pulse quickened and his eyes went to her lips, her breathing speeding up as she followed his gaze. Her eyes parted closed and he gently pressed his lips against hers, Adrian allowing herself to relax into the kiss.

"Ricky," she whispered.

He held himself above her, faces an inch from the other, searching each other's eyes, finding passion, lust, and longing there. He swallowed and pulled her back into the kiss, her arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer. Her lips were soft and full against his as they massaged against the other's, brushing together slowly, experimentally.

"That's..." Ricky breathed. "That feels like before."

"Before..." But she knew what he was saying.

"Before everything got even more confusing."

"And now?"

"Seems like everything's startin' to make sense," he mumbled, dipping his head and parting her lips, the kiss growing heavy and rushed as lips pressed desperately against the other, as if they were grasping onto a lifeline. Adrian felt an aching between her legs, Ricky's hardness pressing against her thigh. He lifted his head again to look at her reaction.

"Don't stop."

"I'm scared I'm gonna keep going and I won't be able to stop," he murmured, panting softly.

"Maybe that can be okay."

"Maybe. What if it's not?"

"What if it's not?" she echoed, then nodded her head and pursed her lips softly, eyebrows pulling together.

"I know I'm lookin' at you and you're beautiful, and I want you right now," he answered. "And I'm certain I never stopped wanting you."

"Ricky."

"But everything's been so screwed up. I don't want to screw this up, us. There hasn't been an 'us' in a long time and now everything's..."

"I know."

"Everything's... coming back," he finally got out.

He dropped his head against her shoulder and she wrapped her arms around his back, and they held each other silently, letting themselves feel everything that had transpired since they were together. And then everything snapped back to them at once, their entire relationship, all of the feelings, the lust, the love, the passion. All of it rushed back to Ricky in one instant and he felt himself overwhelmed.

"I'm scared, too," Adrian whispered.

He lifted his head to look into her eyes. "Let's take it slow. This thing, whatever we've started."

"Really? I - I like that idea," she agreed softly.

"This thing that never really ended."

"But it did, didn't it?"

"I forgot," he admitted. "Got lost in the anger. But I never stopped."

"Me neither."

"I'm sorry, Adrian." He shook his head. "I'm sorry for how I treated you."

"I'm sorry too, Ricky. We were both at fault. We were young, stupid."

"Can I kiss you again?"

"Please."

They spent a lot of nights like that in Adrian's bedroom in her on-campus apartment, just kissing, experiencing each other all over again.

And Ricky's mother was more than happy to babysit.

* * *

**A/N**: More to come! Hope you enjoyed!


	2. Chapter 2

_**CHAPTER TWO**_

_**Be, Be Your Love**_

* * *

_The broken clock is a comfort_  
_It helps me sleep tonight_  
_Maybe it can stop tomorrow_  
_From stealing all my time_  
_I am here still waiting_  
_I still have my doubts_  
_I am damaged at best_  
_Like you've already figured out_

* * *

Adrian stood over the sink washing dishes from their dinner, soaping up and rinsing off various bowls, plates, and cups when two hands wrapped around her waist from behind and lips pressed against her neck. "You've already cooked a great meal for us. Wanna take advantage of this night with me? I can wash the dishes later, be happy to," he said lowly and softly into her ear.

The heat against her neck traveled through the pit of her stomach. "Mmm, nice try, but I've got to get this done."

"You sure about that?" he mumbled into her ear, peppering kisses down the length of her neck. Her eyes closed against her will and her hands stilled, gently dropping the bowl into the sink.

She smirked and dried her hands off on the towel situated on the towel rack above her. Flipping around, she pressed their lips together into a passionate kiss. Ricky scooped her up off her feet, Adrian wrapping her legs around Ricky's waist. He walked over and dropped her onto the couch, where Adrian straddled Ricky and moved her face to meet his eyes.

He smirked and reached out to hold her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. Ricky bent his head down and pressed his lips against Adrian's neck, gently running his tongue down the length of her skin. He reached that junction between her neck and shoulder and sucked on it softly, hearing Adrian's breath hitch. He gave it a few kisses before leaning to press his lips against hers. They could feel the agonizing heat between them, both desperately wanting to solve it... wanting...

But neither initiating that next step yet.

"I like these nights with you," Ricky murmured, stroking the inside of her wrist.

"Mmm, I had a good night."

"I'm glad." Her eyes shone as Billy Joel's And So it Goes played over the stereo.

"Would you want to... dance with me?" she asked softly.

He licked his lips and paused. "I don't know that I'm any good, but I s'pose I could give it a try."

She looked down, smiling, before looking up into his green eyes. Pulling herself from his lap, she walked over to the center of the living room with Ricky following behind her. "Since when do you doubt yourself?"

"Lot of people would say I'm not the most romantic guy," he returned, taking her hand and slipping his other hand around her waist.

"Mm, what does it matter to you what people think?" she mumbled and wrapped her arms around his neck, just swaying with him for a moment, watching his eyes.

"Guess it doesn't." He looked down at her with love, which she hoped wasn't wishful thinking on her part. She took in a shaky breath. Seeing his smirk, she laughed. She could smell his cologne and aftershave and dropped her head against the crook of his neck, basking in his familiar smell. "It matters to me what you think," he murmured softly.

"Hm, I think you can be quite the romantic," she replied.

He chuckled. "Can I have this dance?"

"You may," she murmured, smirking at him.

And they swayed softly.

_In every heart there is a room  
__A sanctuary safe and strong  
__To heal the wounds from lovers past  
__Until a new one comes along_

Both of them focusing on the feel of each other's body against the other, the natural rhythm that flowed between them.

_I spoke to you in cautious tones  
__You answered me with no pretense  
__And still I feel I said too much  
__My silence is my self defense_

"My silence is my self defense," Adrian sang in a whisper.

_But if my silence made you leave  
__Then that would be my worst mistake  
__So I will share this room with you  
__And you can have this heart to break_

"...and you can have this heart to break."

Ricky listened to her singing, enjoying the sound of her voice, his heart pounding in his chest as he stared at her intensely.

Her eyes flickered to his, and Ricky smoothed his hand up her abdomen, rubbing around her waist, and up her arm, stroking her softly, before resuming his position with his arms around her waist, feeling the swaying of her hips... the press of her warm lips against his.

_And this is why my eyes are closed  
__It's just as well for all I've seen  
__And so it goes, and so it goes._ "And you're the only one who knows," she finished softly against his lips.

He drew in a deep breath. They did not part at the ending of the song, both continuing to dance for several more moments into the night, bodies dancing with music that they could only feel. He placed his hand on the back of her head and pulled her head up into a passionate, soft kiss. He breathed in her scent of spicy vanilla and ran his fingers through her shorter hair, placing a kiss on her forehead as they pulled apart.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"You're welcome."

Silence enveloped them for a moment. They wandered back to the couch and curled against each other. "What movie are we seeing this time?"

"Hmmm, it is my turn to choose, isn't it?" she said, thinking. "Something romantic, perhaps?"

He smirked. "Whatever you want."

"I've been dying to see A Star is Born. I've seen the older versions, but not the newest one."

"What have I got myself into," he joked.

"So you've heard of it?"

"I've heard of it."

"Lady Gaga won an Oscar for her role in it. I think you'd like it, not that I've seen this one, but I'd bet on it," she shrugged.

"You paid money for something you haven't seen yet?"

"I'm that sure it's worth it, I guess," she returned, both smiling.

He looked at her for a moment. "Alright, let's check it out." He chuckled, moving to get up and search for the movie. He retrieved it from the case and slipped it into the DVD player. Adrian pulled the blanket down off the back of the couch and smoothed it over them, Ricky pulling her body closer to his as the previews began to play.

The lighting was already dim, a lamp and the television screen producing the only light. Adrian leaned over and shut the lamp off.

"Why don't you just skip the previews?"

"Let's watch them. It's like at the movie theater."

He smirked. "We go through this every time."

She turned her face to look at him and smiled. He flashed her a sincere smile back. "Shh, no talking," she shushed him gently.

He laughed and teasingly tickled her. "What about this, then?" He kissed her lips. She held one finger up.

"Not allowed either," she scolded, laughing despite herself as he started laughing. "Watch the movie, Ricky."

"I'd rather watch you right now."

His low, sexy tone made her shudder. They locked lips and lay down on the couch, Adrian's head pressed against Ricky's chest as they watched the movie to its entirety. Ricky's eyes welled up with tears at the suicide scene and Adrian's heart beat painfully in her chest; this part always affected her, but she knew it was coming.

When they went to bed that night, Adrian could hear Ricky unbuckling his belt and letting it drop to the floor, hear the rustling sounds of him removing his jeans and shirt. She did the same, removing her clothes until she was comfortable, down to her underwear. She leaned over, flicked the lamp on, and pulled out a book.

Ricky's eyes carefully avoided flickering down to her C-Section scar. He remembered when they had...how her eyes filled with tears and a single tear rolled down her eyes, how he pressed her body against his and held her as she cried, silently, her shoulders shaking against him.

"That was a good movie."

"I'm glad you liked it. I thought so too," she said, raising her eyes from her book. She sat in thought for a moment. "Bradley Cooper did an excellent job, despite not being a singer... Lady Gaga was brilliant."

"She was. They both were. The ending was sad."

"Definitely. That part always gets to me."

Ricky sighed and settled into bed with his arms folded behind his head, staring at the ceiling, feeling comfortable and content. He licked his lips. "I might've cried a little bit," he admitted with a chuckle. "I was just... trying to imagine losing someone I love like that... Losing someone at all."

She closed her book and set it down on the bedside table, turning on her side to face Ricky as she listened to him speak.

"I took advantage of you when we were teenagers. I really screwed up. I was so afraid of vulnerability and you were the one person who could make me feel like that. I don't want to lose you again, Adrian. I'm willing to do what it takes for you to trust me."

"It's your trust I need to earn too," she murmured. Staring straight ahead at the wall, she spoke candidly. "After Mercy..." she swallowed. "I was so angry. I believed it was karma. My parents and Ben wanted me to go see a psychiatrist and get on all these pills. But I couldn't. I needed to feel what I was feeling. I didn't want some drugs numbing me out. Sometimes I look at the sky and wonder if she's looking back at me. I've never been religious, and I'm not. But I just wonder. I thought so much about - what if I did get those pills, though," tears beginning to form in her eyes, "I could use them to join her. I refused because I knew what I could do with those pills if I had them. That's where I was at that point."

At her subtle mention of her suicidal thoughts, he looked over at her and set his head next to hers, speaking softly. "It wasn't karma, Adrian. It wasn't. What happened...didn't happen because of anything you did wrong."

"I'm sorry," she apologized as her voice cracked, tears spilling from her eyes.

He tucked her against him and kissed her, her cheek, her forehead, her temple. "Like you said. We were both at fault for what happened in our relationship. But you did nothing wrong to have caused that to happen. Nothing."

She sobbed, frantically wiping her tears. "I'm just emotional. Don't mind me."

"I can't help it. I care about you, Adrian."

I love you, Ricky.

"I care about you too, Ricky."

He lay in thought, letting Adrian ride out her tears. "I'm having dinner with my mother this Saturday, me, her, and John. If you want to join us."

She sniffled. "I'd like that," she said, wiping the remains of the tears from her face.

Adrian lay watching the clock tick for the longest time before at last sleep came over her. When she shot up in bed panting with her heart pounding, Ricky shifted and wrapped an arm around her waist. His eyes opened, taking in the sight of her sitting up in bed.

"You okay?" he mumbled.

"Yes. Fine. Just a dream." She breathed carefully and lay back down, breathing slowly to ground herself and slip back to sleep.

"Let me know if I can do anything," Ricky said sleepily. He was used to her nightmares, her frequent waking in the night. He pulled her close as if he could keep her safe.

"I will. I'm okay."

He leaned down to press a kiss to her lips and Adrian pulled him in, kissing him feverishly. Ricky opened his eyes to search for hers in the darkness and matched her fervor, kissing her passionately, awake now. Adrian shivered and Ricky pressed his body against hers, rubbed his hand down her arm, trying to soothe her. They lay in silence, just kissing lazily, for a few moments before pulling away and resting against each other, both lost in thought.

The darkness wrapped around the bedroom.

"You asleep?" Ricky asked.

"No," she sighed. "I don't think I'm getting back to sleep."

He nodded and ran his fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp. She moaned quietly and brought her hand up to his bare shoulder. "What time is it?" She squinted and looked at the clock: 3:41. She sighed and slowly pulled herself up in bed. "I think I'll go for a quick walk or something. Just to think."

"Alright," he said and jumped up, pulling on his pants and his belt.

"What are you doing?"

"Goin' with you."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to."

Her heart fluttered, and she took a deep breath and looked into his eyes in the darkness. "Why now?" she whispered.

Assuming he understood the context.

He did.

"Because it's the right time for us now," he murmured back. "And as for going on a walk with you, I want to be there for you."

She embraced him and he wrapped his arms around her protectively, lovingly. "I can't stop you from going out for a walk. If you'll have me I wanna go with you. Do what you need to do," he reassured her.

"Thank you," she whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N: _**A big thank you to the readers. :) Here we go.

* * *

**_Be, Be Your Love_**

* * *

Adrian reclined against her couch writing in her journal, a daily habit since recovering from her loss, along with going for a run around the block. Her nightly walks granted silence to her very loud head. She loved to look at the moon, gazing among the stars and identifying the constellations. Since her self-defense classes, she carried a pocket knife in her back pocket.

Glancing up from her notebook, she looked out at the new day, the sun tossing its bright rays in through the window.

She took a deep breath and closed her journal, leaving it sitting on the couch. After starting the coffee pot, she threw on a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt while the coffee brewed. She sat at the table getting some reading done for her British Literature class while sipping her coffee.

Grabbing a bottle of water, she left the apartment, locking up before dashing down the sidewalk, pressing 'start' on her stopwatch.

Each time she ran, she tried to beat her previous time. Running daily made her feel empowered and eased the depression as much as possible.

After her run, she showered and left for her part-time shift at the diner. After British Literature she sat in a daze in Intermediate Creative Writing, before coming home and getting ready for dinner with Ricky, his mother, and John.

…

"So you are the new girlfriend I've been hearing about."

Adrian smiled and tried to refrain from letting the hesitancy appear on her face. Was she his girlfriend? "We've been seeing each other for a few weeks, yeah."

"Well you already know my name, I'm Nora, you're Adrian," she laughed awkwardly.

"Nice to, well, officially meet you," Adrian laughed and turned to the small boy. "Nice to meet you, too, John. I haven't seen you since you were 'this big'," she motioned with her hands.

"Yeah, it's been about that long," Ricky said, remembering.

"You were a baby," she told John, remembering the way Amy called her a 'slut' when she witnessed Adrian holding John. "Anyway, John, I'm Adrian."

"You wanna give her a hug?" Ricky asked, and John hid behind his leg.

Adrian waved her hand in the air. "It's fine. He'll warm up at his own pace," she reassured him, smiling warmly.

"Okay so I made dinner so let's cross our fingers that it's edible," Nora said, hurrying over to the oven to pull out the casserole. "I made macaroni and cheese casserole, rolls, and green beans."

"That sounds amazing. Thank you," Adrian said.

"Don't thank me yet."

Adrian found herself feeling comfortable in Nora's lighthearted presence, although Ricky was quiet. Ricky and Adrian sat across from each other at the table, John taking his place next to his dad and looking at Adrian curiously. She smiled at him.

"Casserole is ready," Nora said. "Green beans and rolls are ready. Help yourself. I've done a lot of work here tonight," she joked.

"Thanks, mom. It looks really good."

"It smells amazing. Thank you, Ms. Underwood."

"Mm. Nuh-uh. Call me Nora." She smiled.

They all lined up along the counter, helping themselves to a paper plate and to a helping of each dish. Ricky fixed John's plate and John carried it to the table, all of them taking their spots around the table. Nora sat next to Adrian and they dug in.

"Mac and cheese, mac and cheese!" John sang.

"John, you be the judge. Is my mac and cheese any good?" Nora asked.

He nodded, taking another bite, working on finishing his macaroni and cheese before taking notice of the rest of the food.

"I think that's a good sign," she said. And they all laughed. "Oh! Drinks! I knew I was forgetting something." She sped to the kitchen and opened the fridge. "What'll you guys have? Water, Pepsi, juice, beer?" She laughed. "I think I have some wine in here." She dug through the fridge. "White or red?"

"I'll take white, if you have it," Adrian said politely.

"Just water for me," Ricky said. "Do you want juice or water, buddy?"

"I want apple juice."

Adrian thanked Nora and sipped her wine, savoring its sweet taste. She took a bite of green beans, seasoned just right, before buttering her roll. The macaroni and cheese casserole tasted just as good as it looked.

Silence wrapped over them as they got lost in their food.

Nora cleared her throat. "Ricky said you're in college. What're you studying?"

"I'm an English major with a minor in Psychology."

"You're not going to shrink my head, are you?" she raised her fork jokingly.

Adrian laughed. "I'm just second year. I don't think you have too much to worry about."

"Just. That's two years I never went to college," she said pointedly. "Now excuse me if I'm out of line here but you two just look like you've been together longer than a couple weeks."

"We have a history," Ricky answered, sending a warning look to his mother. She knew about their history together.

"A few years in high school," Adrian replied succinctly.

Nora smiled. "That's nice. I'm really proud of my son," she beamed, turning to Adrian. "And my grandson! Such a smart boy, both of them. I was really lucky with Ricky. He was such an independent child."

Darkness passed over Ricky's face and Adrian smiled at Nora to avoid any awkward moments.

She imagined what Ricky would say to her right now if he weren't holding his tongue. Something along the lines of, _"That's because I had to be."_

"I'm proud of him, too," Adrian said. "Ricky's great."

"Alright, let's change the subject," Ricky finally said, smiling at Adrian.

...

On their way out, they could see through the garage window that it had started raining steadily, silver streaks coming down against the black night.

"So that went...about as well as expected," Ricky said as they made their way toward Ricky's car.

"No, it was good. I had a good time. The food was amazing, and your mom's really nice. I like her."

He snickered. "Well I'm glad." He held the door open for her and she bowed her head and eyed him curiously with a smile on her face.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing."

He shook his head with a playful eye roll and shut the door behind her.

"Alright, so." They had arrived back at her apartment and stood outside the door under the shelter, droplets of rain trickling down Adrian's neck, having drenched their clothes and hair.

"I had a good time tonight. Thanks for inviting me."

"Thanks for accepting."

They leaned in for a kiss, both reluctant to leave each other.

She closed her eyes and felt the heat radiating from his neck around where her arms were wrapped.

"You're welcome over anytime," Ricky said.

"And you are too, you and John."

He shrugged a shoulder. "What're you doing tomorrow?"

"Studying," she answered. "I've got a long paper to write that's due by midnight."

He nodded. "Well, I'll see you when I see you."

And he started walking off, ducking his head into the rain, smirking.

"Ricky!" she darted into the rain after him.

He laughed, whipped around, and grabbed her, kissing her in the rain. She accepted his lips eagerly, their bodies pressed together, his hands on her waist.

"Didn't think you were gettin' rid of me that fast, huh?" he mumbled low into her ear.

"Jerk."

He licked his lips, his eyes looking into hers. "You're beautiful, Adrian."

She smirked at him and they gazed at each other. Both clearly had the same thing on their mind.

Moving back under shelter, he pressed her against the door and kissed her eagerly. Pulling away, he looked into her eyes, breathing heavily. "Goodnight," he murmured.

She gazed at him lustfully and pulled him back into a kiss, running her hands through his hair. He kissed her back and ran his hands along her breasts. She wanted so badly to pull him inside. Memories flooded her brain that made her stomach burn with desire.

But not yet; not now.

"Goodnight, Ricky."

He smiled before walking off to his car and driving away.

She went inside and lay in bed, staring at the clock.

She didn't remember the moment she slipped into sleep.

But she lay there, somewhere between consciousness and sleep, completely paralyzed.

Moving felt like trying to maneuver through quicksand, and she wasn't sure if she was moving her hand in the dream or in real life.

The door opened and shut. She knew that wasn't happening. But it opened. And shut. Opened. And shut.

She heard the sound of a baby crying, and she started sobbing.

"Mercy. Mercy, sweetie, come here."

They placed the baby in her arms and Adrian held her child, the baby's eyes wide open, her hand wrapping around Adrian's finger. Adrian dragged her hand across the bed, slowly, heavily… gripping the bed sheets, trying to wake up. _Wake up. Wake up. This isn't happening. _

"I love you, baby."

"Mama!" the then two year old called, running through the room, dark hair flying everywhere. "Mama, I loveee you!"

"Wake up, wake up," Adrian mumbled, so low she felt like she was drugged.

And then she gained control, shot up in bed, awake.

Tears were in her eyes and they streamed down her face. She choked out a sob and clutched the covers around her, hands instinctively cradling her stomach.

Reaching for her phone, she dialed a number and gulped as she waited for an answer.

"Adrian?"

"Ben," she choked out.

Saying nothing else, just sobbing on the phone.

"Adrian, shhhh, shhh, shh."

He knew.

He tried to comfort her.

Tried to stop his own tears from spilling from his eyes.

"I know," his voice broke. "I'm here."

"Can you come over?" she asked through her tears.

"I'll be right there."


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N: _**This chapter is mature. Enjoy!

* * *

**_Be, Be Your Love_**

* * *

"Thanks for coming over on a moment's notice."

"Anytime, Adrian."

They sat on the couch, Adrian hunched over in thought gripping her hot mug. Ben had made them some chamomile tea and they sat down on the sofa to talk and take solace in each other's company.

It was two in the morning.

She let out a long, steady breath. "This dream won't stop."

He swallowed. "I have them sometimes."

"I was – it was like I was paralyzed, Ben. I couldn't move. This sleep paralysis is… it's horrifying. It doesn't happen every night, but when it does—" She closed her eyes and gripped the thin, scratchy blanket around her.

"Adrian, I don't want to offend you, but maybe you should see a doctor. Maybe you should talk to a professional."

She shook her head, knowing he was right, that she needed to talk to a professional. Her minor was in Psychology; she could admit to needing a little psychiatric help. "Maybe," she mumbled. "I just don't want to take anything for it, Ben. And they really push that."

"The pills can really help, Adrian. They helped me."

She nodded, maneuvering her body around to press her head against his chest and embrace him. He ran his hands through her hair in a soothing manner. "This. This is what I need," she whispered. "This is what helps me."

"You've been of help to me too," he whispered back. "I'm always here, Adrian."

Pulling away, she smiled at him before sitting back against the couch, pulling the blanket around her.

"I'm seeing Ricky," she finally said. "We've been taking it slow."

There was a pause. "Slow? Ricky?"

"Yeah. Amy really changed him, I guess."

Ben kind of flinched at that, and Adrian looked over at him. "Sorry. He changed himself, I know that. Amy kind of screwed him up, too."

"Amy's kind of screwed up about the whole thing," Ben said back.

"How does that work, anyway? You and her? She lives in New York."

"We're just not exclusive."

"Oh? So you see other people. And Amy's okay with that?"

He shrugged. "We haven't really put a label on what we are."

She nodded. "Yeah. Neither have Ricky and I."

"Do you love him?"

"I've always loved him. I always will."

"And what about Omar?"

She shook her head, not wanting to go there.

"Anyway, I figured," he said.

"Hmm."

Bringing her tea to her lips, she took a sip and let the warmth of the liquid soothe her. She sighed. "Thanks for coming over here, Ben. Really. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I don't know what I'd do without you," he echoed. "You're a really special person, Adrian Lee. Despite everything that's happened, I'm happy to have you in my life."

"Thanks, Ben. I feel the same way."

She rocked back and forth slowly, her mind racing with the memories of her dream. Ben looked over at her. "Tell me about that dream."

"I feel like she was trying to talk to me or something." Her eyes filled with tears. "Like it wasn't just a dream."

He reached over and grasped her hand, holding it firmly. "Maybe she was."

She wiped her eyes and stood, blanket wrapped around her. "I'm going to make some more tea," she said, walking off to the kitchen.

When she was in the kitchen placing her tea bag into her mug, her phone vibrated with a message.

_Can't sleep. I'm hard thinking about you._

Ricky.

She looked around and a wave of heat rushed through her stomach.

She swallowed and typed a message back, _Sorry in advance for the cockblock. Ben's over._

_Ben?_

_I had a bad dream._

_You ok?_

_Yeah, I just can't get back to sleep, nothing out of the ordinary._

She paused and then typed a second message, _I think about you, too. At night when I'm alone._

_Tell me about it._

She knew what he was probably doing right now, and the thought sent a shudder down her spine, a welcome distraction from her dream. She hovered over the 'send' button, hesitating, and squeezing her eyes shut when sending it._ I mostly remember the way you felt inside me._

His response was quick.

_I miss that._

She let out a heavy sigh and looked around again. Ben still sat in the living room. Was she really doing this? Sexting Ricky? They hadn't even talked about having sex, but she really shouldn't be so surprised; it was them.

Removing her tea bag, she threw it in the trash and lifted her cup to her lips, taking a swallow of tea before reaching for her phone. It vibrated before she could respond.

_What was your favorite thing we did?_

She smiled a bit. _You already know that._

_Tell me._

_I really liked it when you bent me over the bed, me on my stomach._

_Yeah I like that. What are you doing now?_ he asked.

_I told you. I'm with Ben._

_I know. I'm just so fucking frustrated thinking about you._

She breathed a hard sigh and closed her eyes. She was frustrated, too. And she could tell how frustrated Ricky was, because he only said 'fuck' when he was really turned on or angry.

_Ricky, I can't do this now. I'm sorry._

Dread passed through her when her phone was silent for a few minutes, and she wondered if she'd pushed him away, if he was going to go find some easy lay. It wasn't like they were exclusive, anyway. They never said they couldn't see other people. They hadn't defined this thing between them.

But finally, '_It's okay. I understand_,' flashed on her phone.

After letting herself cool down a bit, she headed back into the living room with her cup of tea.

"Hey," Ben said.

"Hey," she replied, sitting down next to him.

"You okay?"

Could he sense that something was off with her? "Yep. Ricky was just sexting me."

"_Oo_-kay. I don't exactly need to know that," he said.

She sighed. "I'm scared he's going to sleep with someone else, Ben. We haven't…"

"Well, is it really worth it being with Ricky again after all this time?"

She let her eyes slip closed. "Yes. Yes, it is."

"But you think he might cheat on you."

"We're not—I don't think he will. I'm just…scared."

"It'll probably take a while for you to trust him. Ricky needs to prove himself to you."

"He's not the only one," she replied.

"You only cheated because he did."

"That…doesn't make it okay, Ben."

He paused. "Yeah… I know."

A sigh escaped her lips. "I want to have sex with him."

"Maybe you should be talking to him about that."

"If I tried talking to Ricky about that, we wouldn't be talking."

"Adrian—I really don't need to hear this."

"Ben, come on. You're my best friend."

"I thought Grace was your best friend. Isn't it more appropriate to be speaking to her about this?"

"Maybe. But you're… You're my person."

He laughed. "Grey's Anatomy."

She smiled, remembering the nights of binging on Grey's Anatomy with him while she was pregnant. "Well, you are. You're my person, Ben."

"And you're mine. Now the question is how can Ricky become your person?"

They talked well into the night, nearing four in the morning, before finally falling asleep on the couch next to each other, Adrian's head against Ben's shoulder, his head tilted back against the couch, feet planted on the floor. He snored softly.

Adrian jerked awake and lifted her head off Ben's shoulder. Looking at the clock. 9:30. Finally, the night had passed. The sun filtered through the white curtains in her living room. She pulled her body from the sofa and cleared her throat. "Ben."

He shifted slightly but continued snoring.

"Ben," she said louder.

His eyes shot open and he pulled his eyebrows together. "Geez, Adrian."

"Sorry. I'm gonna take a shower, okay? You're welcome to hang around here, grab some breakfast from my fridge or something."

"I could use some coffee," he said.

She smiled. "I'll join you in a bit. And Ben…"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it," he reached out, grabbed her hand, and squeezed it. "Really, anytime you need me, I'm here."

...

That night after class, with the sun descending in the sky, there came a knock at her door and she instantly knew that it was Ricky. Who else could it be? Besides maybe Grace, who, oddly enough, she hadn't seen lately. She made a mental note to contact the girl later.

Leaving her coursework behind on the kitchen table, she padded over to the door and took a deep breath before unlocking and opening it. Her stomach fluttered at the sight of Ricky standing alone across from her.

They looked at each other and silently stepped closer, letting the door close behind them, Ricky taking Adrian's hands and intertwining their fingers. "Hey," Adrian murmured.

"Hey," Ricky smirked. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips.

"So about last night," he mumbled.

"Yeah?" She smiled, laughing softly. "What about last night?"

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable if I did."

She swallowed. "No," she said, her stomach burning. "That isn't what you did."

Another smirk appeared at his lips. "What then?" His lips made their way down her neck, and she closed her eyes.

"I liked it," she mumbled simply, trying to catch her breath.

He pressed her sleeve down and kissed down her cleavage. She grasped his shoulder and her breath hitched.

"You like that I'm frustrated?" he chuckled.

She shrugged a shoulder and smirked. "I like that you think about me that way."

"Of course I do. Always have," he mumbled. Before he could kiss down her breast, she pulled back slightly and he lifted his head up curiously, face sinking as if he'd said something wrong. "What?"

"Is that all we're about? Sex?"

He looked hurt. "I can't believe you'd ask me that. We've been together for a month and we haven't had sex."

"I know, but at some point I assume you believe we will."

"Maybe you shouldn't be making assumptions." He sighed.

She pursed her lips, annoyance creeping up along with the heat between them. "It's not completely unjustified."

"D'you really think that's fair? I'm not the same person I was in high school, and neither are you."

"That's all I have to go on, Ricky. That's the last time we were together," she said. "How am I supposed to know that Amy's not the only one that you can commit to?"

"Don't," he warned. "Don't go there. Amy and I are over. She abandoned me and my son."

Lips still pursed, she shrugged. "It's a fair assumption."

He raised his hands in frustration. "Stop making assumptions."

"Tell me I'm wrong."

"Look, I came to ask you out to the carnival tonight. I didn't come here to have sex with you."

Her face softened slightly and guilt rose in her stomach. "I'm sorry, Ricky."

He pursed his lips and stared at her in silence.

"I'm just scared," she continued. "I've been through a lot."

"We both have," he returned. "Look, Adrian, I don't want anyone else. I'm with you. I'm with you all the way."

"You are?" she whispered.

"All the way," he repeated firmly.

She searched his eyes and found a stubbornness in them, and goosebumps rose up and down her arms. "The carnival...?" she whispered.

"Yeah. I wanted to ask you to come to the carnival with me and John tonight. You. You're the one I want. I'm pretty sure it's always meant to be you and me. And it took me a hell of a long time to realize that, but I have."

She breathed sharply, her heart thumping in her chest, and heatedly grabbed him and pressed her lips to his. Ricky tangled his fingers in her hair and returned the kiss passionately, pulling her body against his. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down against her, letting her lips linger on his for a moment longer.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't be. It's alright. I know a lot's happened. A lot came between us. I know that. I know it's gonna take some time for you to trust me, but I'm here to give you that time. I'll do what it takes. We can work on this thing together. I'm sure about this, Adrian."

"Ricky."

"I'm not going anywhere. I wanna be here for you. I want to be with you. I want you to be my girlfriend."

"I feel the same way," she said. Then cracked a smile. "Boyfriend."

He smiled. "Adrian, I..." He stopped himself from saying it, despite everything in him screaming to say it, to let her know how he felt. "Will you go to the carnival with me and John?" he asked instead.

She smiled and nodded her head. "I'd love to," she whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: And here begins the carnival. I hope you enjoy!

* * *

_**Be, Be Your Love**_

* * *

The smell of sugary funnel cakes and fried chicken and cheesy nachos lingered in the air as Adrian, Ricky, and John walked side by side down the various booths selling food. The sky was a greyish black as the cloudy night descended on the city.

"I want cotton candy," John said.

Ricky held back his comment that the cotton candy was horrible for him, knowing that as a child he had appreciated it himself. The colorful cloud of sugar drew John in. Ricky smiled and granted John's requesting, buying him a large bag of cotton candy. John dug in and pulled pieces of the soft pillowy snack as Ricky ordered a bucket of chicken for himself and Adrian ordered a slice of cheese pizza.

As they ate, they meandered through the fair grounds, the neon lights of the carnival rides illuminating the darkness. A crowd of people walked in and out around and in front of them as they pushed through towards the bumper cars.

"I want to ride a car!" John exclaimed happily.

Adrian and Ricky looked at each other and smiled. Ricky held a long string of tickets and pulled off a few, handing them to John. "Go ahead, buddy."

"Aren't you gonna ride too, Dad?"

"I'm too big, bud. Look," he pointed at the size chart.

They watched John buzz through the area around the other kids, feeling like a professional race-car driver as he enjoyed the ride. Afterwards, they came upon a child's ride that Adrian and Ricky could join, the Fun Slide.

It took very little pressing for them to agree to join John on the slide. The Fun Slide lit in rainbow colors blinked as they slid down the slide on a raft, John in between Ricky and Adrian. The three of them laughed and squealed as they went over the bumps and then the slide slowly flattened out to the end. John wanted to go again and they waited in line to go a second time, laughing just the same.

They walked along the grounds, the slight cool air brushing against their skin. Ricky zipped up his black leather jacket and Adrian pulled her arms around herself as they came across the Ferris Wheel.

"You see that?" Ricky asked John, kneeling down to his level. "You can see the whole park from up there."

"I want to go on, Daddy! I want to go on the Ferris Wheel."

"That's my favorite ride," Adrian said.

"There's a lot of colors. Have you been on the Ferris Wheel?" John asked.

"A few times, yeah. It's so much fun." She smiled at John.

Ricky wrapped his arm tightly around Adrian's waist and she leaned into his side. She and Ricky threw away their empty plates and Ricky held onto John's cotton candy as they climbed aboard a car. The Ferris Wheel glided them high up into the sky, the three of them taking in the sights of the park. Neon lights flickered around them from below and above, swirling together.

Ricky leaned over and held Adrian's hand. She looked over at him and smiled.

After the ride they met up with Nora who turned to John. "Are you havin' a good time?"

"Yes, Grandma Nora!" he exclaimed.

"Good, good! I can take the kid if you want to ride some of the grownup rides," Nora said suggestively to Ricky and Adrian. Ricky rolled his eyes. "And it's not Grandma, that makes me sound old," she playfully told John.

"It's alright, Mom, I don't mind," Ricky said.

"No, really, you two should take some time together. It's a nice night. Well, besides the clouds." She laughed, looking at the sky.

"...Meet back up at the Ferris Wheel?" Ricky asked.

"Sounds good. Let's go, buddy. I've got some awesome rides to show you that I used to ride when I was a kid."

John's interest peaked, he followed his grandmother Nora while Ricky and Adrian watched them walk away and turned away, holding hands.

"I love John, but I'm glad for this alone time with you," Ricky admitted.

"Your mom's really nice," Adrian said.

He chuckled. "Yeah, she's alright." Adrian gave him a look and she just shrugged. "She's come a long way. I love her, I do."

"But?" Adrian asked.

He licked his lips nervously. "It's hard to see past everything sometimes."

"Yeah." She squeezed his hand. "So now that John's with your mother we can make out, right?"

He laughed. "I think that'd be acceptable."

They kissed among the crowd under the cloudy skies, rides being swept around them. _Piano Man _by Billy Joel began playing.

They climbed onto the drop tower, Adrian anxiously awaiting the moment the ride climbed up to the top and slammed back down. As it started up, it slowly increased its pace, throwing them up, and throwing them down. They screamed in amusement and horror as it did until it finally came to a stop.

Adrian's head spinning, she saw John and Nora coming towards them, Nora waving and John copying her and waving after her.

"Sorry, I've got to cop out. A little bit too much fun on my end," Nora laughed, gently nudging John to go back to Ricky. "Boy, did those rides make me dizzy."

Ricky gave a sour look and Adrian looked at him inquisitively before turning to smile at Nora.

Ricky turned to his mother in private and mumbled to her: "Really, you're drunk, with John? What the hell're you even thinking?"

"Ricky, come on," she said quietly, anxiously looking around. "I messed up. What can I say?"

"What can you say," he echoed mockingly. "Guess I'm just wonderin' how I can trust you after this. You've never... I didn't think you would do this around my kid. I didn't think you were still getting drunk."

"I messed up, Ricky," she slurred. "I'm...sorry, come on."

He nodded his head in anger. "Right. Can you get home? Take a taxi or somethin'?"

"I was just gonna drive home-"

"You were just going to take a taxi, I think is what you mean," he interrupted, furious. He shook his head and pulled his phone from his pocket, calling the number for a taxi service. John reached for Adrian's hand and she took it with a smile as Ricky argued with his mother.

He spoke to the man on the other line of the phone and asked for a cab for his mother.

They waited until the car with its cab sign appeared in the parking lot, and Ricky saw his mother get into the backseat. Ricky dug into his wallet and shoved 50 dollars at the cab driver and muttered the address.

As the car drove off, Ricky turned to Adrian. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"It's okay. It's not your fault. I just can't believe she did that."

"Yeah. Right, I know."

"Let's enjoy our night, Ricky." She smiled. "You've got me and John... we're here."

He returned the smile. "Yeah, I'm glad you guys are here with me. Wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."

"Gramma Nora's drunk as a skunk," John mumbled.

"Where-" Ricky turned his face in anger before calming himself. "Where did you hear that?"

"Gramma Nora. She makes jokes, Daddy."

"They better be jokes," he muttered, shaking his head.

Adrian ruffled John's brown hair, trying to ease the tension. "How about we find another ride to go on?"

"It's not okay, Adrian. Amy could use this against me."

Adrian went stiff and pursed her lips. "Use what against you? She knew she messed up and she took John back to us. I understand you're upset, Ricky. I'd be furious. But from what I understand this is the only time this has happened, and she is your mother. Maybe you should cut her a break just this once."

"Just this once? What if this has happened more than once? What kind of father am I that I don't know that?"

"You do know that, Ricky," she reassured him. "You know she hasn't. If she had you'd likely have found out when you came home from work."

"Yeah, I guess." He looked out at the park and sighed. "I've just got to be more careful from now on. Have my foster parents watch John instead."

"If you think that's for the best," Adrian said, rubbing her thumb along Ricky's hand.

"I'm worried this is gonna become a problem for her again," he sighed.

...

Ricky stood at the stove cooking spaghetti in a large pot as Adrian and John sat on Ricky's couch watching Paw Patrol. "John, Adrian, you wanna test the spaghetti?" he asked, stirring the noodles.

John bounced up and eagerly bounded over to the kitchen to accept the spoon Ricky handed him with a bite of noodles. John slurped them up and smiled. "I want tomato sauce," he said.

Adrian brought the spaghetti to her mouth. "It's just right."

"Time to drain it, then," he said, transferring the pasta into a colander and draining the water into the sink, demonstrating to John as he stood watching his dad. He dumped the noodles back into the pot and added spaghetti sauce, mixing the noodles and sauce together as Adrian pulled out three plates. Ricky thanked her and dumped a serving onto each plate and pulled out the garlic bread from the oven, adding a piece to the plates.

"Thanks for making dinner," Adrian said.

"My pleasure."

They sat on the couch finishing the episode of Paw Patrol and eating their dinner. Ricky looked between Adrian and John and smiled. He could get used to this.

John happily took a bite of his bread as he watched his show.

When they finished, Adrian insisted on washing the dishes and managed to clean off the plates before Ricky slipped up behind her.

"Let me wash the dishes. Come on, Adrian. You shouldn't have to do this at my house."

"Why? I'm the guest. I want to help you out."

"Exactly, you're the guest. I cooked for you and I can wash my own dishes. Thank you, but I want to do it."

"A man who wants to do the dishes? Never heard of such a thing," she murmured as she slipped to the side and let Ricky at the sink to begin washing the dishes.

He shrugged. "Been doing it all my life. Just feels kind of natural."

John ran around the living room playing with his robotic car. "_Zoom_, _zoom_!" he shouted. "Watch out, Adrian! It's gonna run you down!"

She chuckled as he thumbed the controls and sent the car into the kitchen to land at Adrian's feet.

"John, not in the kitchen," Ricky scolded gently.

"_Zoom_, _zoom_, _zoom_," he whispered, maneuvering the car back into the living room.

"Hey, that's a cool car, John," she said, joining John in the living room.

"Thanks. My dad bought it for me. I love cars."

"And dogs. Right?" she said, remembering _Paw Patrol_ and staring at the _Paw Patrol_ action figures covering the floor.

"Yeah." He smiled a bit sadly. "My dad won't let me have a dog."

"Won't he?" she said with a smile, feigning surprise.

John shook his head. "He said I had to work for it. Like do chores and stuff like that. But I do chores so I guess he wants me to wait a _century_."

"A century is a long time," she agreed. "You know, I bet if you kept at it, he'll eventually give in. Do you have any names picked out?"

"Kurt. Like Kurt Cobain," he mumbled.

"Oh?"

"Dad and I listen to Nirvana before preschool. It's my favorite songs."

She chuckled. "How many types of dogs do you know? Name some for me."

"Um." He thought, driving his car in circles around the coffee table. "Bulldog, Golden Retriever, Dalmatian, like 101 Dalmatians! Allie at preschool has a Great Dane."

"I've never had a dog. I don't think your dad has either. Maybe he just needs to understand how much you _really_ want one," she said.

"Puttin' ideas in his head?" Ricky asked, coming behind Adrian and wrapping his arm around her waist. John shifted his focus back to his car and sent it running down the hallway, John chasing after it. "Adrian, look!"

"Just talking to him," Adrian smiled.

"You're good with him," Ricky said, pressing a kiss to her lips.

"Mm. Thank you."

"For that?" he chuckled, kissing her again.

She laughed and looked around for John, who was busy with his car and had not even noticed them.

She covered Ricky's mouth with her hand and his laugh was muffled against her palm before he started kissing her hand and reached up to pull her hand from his mouth, intertwining their fingers. She bit her lip and settled on the couch next to him.

"Spend the night," he said.

"Okay. I'll sleep on the-"

"In the bed, with me," he mumbled lowly.

She held his intense gaze and only looked away when John ran his car back into the living room. "Hey, buddy, how about you put the car away? It's gettin' kind of late, and the car's loud. You want to read a book?"

"No, Daddy, I want to play with the car."

"But I asked you to put it away. I want to spend some time with my girlfriend."

He looked between his dad and Adrian, and John and Adrian exchanged a smile, John thinking of the dog. "Okay," he agreed, taking his car into the bedroom and Ricky could hear it being dropped into the toy box.

"Girlfriend," Adrian whispered. "I like the way that sounds."

"So do I," he smirked. They leaned in to kiss again before Ricky pulled away reluctantly. "God, why are you so sexy?"

"I got it from my momma," she teased.

He laughed. "No - you're a force all on its own."

"So cheesy, Underwood."

"Shut up," he laughed and brought her down to recline on the couch against him. They put a movie on and Adrian closed her eyes and listened to Ricky's heart beat in his chest. John played in his room and only a few times came out to watch what his dad and Adrian were watching before darting back into his bedroom.

...

"Goodnight, bud, I love you."

"I love you, Dad."

Ricky shut out the light and walked down the hall with Adrian following behind him towards his bedroom. He closed the door and pulled his shirt over his head, dropping it into the laundry basket. Adrian watched him as he unbuckled his belt and lay it down on the chair next to his dresser. He noticed her looking at him and smirked.

"Gonna get undressed?" he asked, unbuttoning his jeans and slipped them down his legs until he was left in his boxers.

"Give me one of your shirts to wear," she said, taking her shirt and pants off.

He grabbed a white T-shirt and tossed it her way, and she caught it and slipped it on over her bra, wearing a lacy pair of blue underwear and a matching bra.

Ricky shut off the light and they blindly maneuvered their way over to the bed and slipped underneath the covers. Silence descended upon them for a minute before Ricky spoke up. "Maybe I shouldn't be, but I'm really turned on right now."

Adrian laughed. "_Why_?"

"Because you're in my bed."

"I've been in your bed before."

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty much always turned on when we're in bed together."

She shifted in the dark and turned to face him, silent for a moment. Her lips found his and they kissed softly. Ricky slipped his tongue into her mouth and she held back a moan and allowed him entry, massaging her tongue against his as her eyes slipped closed. She cupped his face and he wrapped his arm around her waist as they kissed.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked as they parted.

"The things I'd want to do to you if I were alone with you."

"Tell me," she said, running her manicured fingers softly down his arm.

He exhaled loudly. "I'd start by kissing your neck."

"Yeah?"

"Then I'd take your bra off and rub your breasts."

She closed her eyes, imagining it.

"Trail kisses down your stomach, down to your-"

She cut him off by moaning softly.

He leaned his body up and hovered over her, covering her mouth with his hand. "Lick you until you got close, then I'd stop."

"Why the hell would you stop?" she snapped, opening her eyes.

He chuckled, brought his mouth to her ear and whispered, "Because I'd want to be inside you." He was grinding against her now and she felt herself aching for more friction, rolling her hips against him.

"Ricky, jesus." They ground their bodies against each other, both stifling their moans by pressing their lips together and moaning into each other's mouth.

"Keep talking to me," she whispered, closing her eyes and breathing hard.

"Baby, I'm getting really worked up," he groaned against her shoulder, stilling his hips.

"I know. Me too. I don't want to stop," she moaned.

"I don't want to stop either, but I've gotta - I can't do this with John in the house. I'm sorry, Adrian, I shouldn't have started anything."

"No, I liked it," she murmured.

He laughed. "It's frustrating."

"Yeah." She sighed loudly. "It is.

...


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: **_Thank you to the readers/reviewers!

* * *

_**Be, Be Your Love**_

* * *

Ricky left John with his foster parents before going over to his biological mother's house, knocking on the door. There was no answer, so he knocked on the door again, sighing. "Come on, Mom," he muttered. A feeling of unease settled in his stomach and he knew. He knew that she was using again.

She had called him earlier to ask how John was doing, sounding tipsy. She cried on the phone and said she was sorry, and that she missed him and John.

The door slid open slowly and Nora appeared in the doorway looking disheveled and smelling heavily of whiskey.

"Mom. What the hell -?" He opened his mouth and then closed it, startled to see the shot glass and bottles of beer collected on the coffee table.

"Ricky, it's so good to see you," she leaned in and kissed his cheek. The sick smell of booze engulfed her and he pulled away and stepped into the house. "Mom, how drunk are you? Is this all from today?"

"Ricky, please tell me you didn't come here to yell at me," she slurred, staggering in place. "I know that I made a bad mistake, I know it's _bad, _but I'm just havin' a little fun!"

"Yeah, looks like more than a little fun." He wrapped his arm around her waist and helped her to the couch, and she could hardly keep her eyes open as he sat her down on the couch. She couldn't sit up straight and ended up toppling over until she was lying down on the couch.

"Why the hell are you doing this? This isn't gonna do anything good for you, Mom. And that stunt you pulled at the carnival with John? That wasn't okay!" He clenched his jaw angrily, his vein protruding from his forehead.

"Ricky, please," she mumbled out, closing her eyes. "Please don't take me away from that boy." She started weeping, lifting her hand to her forehead. "Don't make me stop seeing him."

"You're sure as hell not seein' him like this."

"You know, I'm not the only one that's struggled with addiction," she pointed out, managing to open her eyes as she spat the words at him.

"What are you talking about? I've never even been drunk in my life. Never been high."

"You - were addicted to sex, it's an addiction too."

"Don't even," he started, "don't talk about shit you don't understand."

"Oh, you think I don't understand, is that it?"

"You don't know what I went through after Bob got taken away and then _you _walked out of my life."

"So it's my fault? My fault you were sent to foster care?"

"Partially, yeah. I don't have an addiction," he muttered. "So don't. Because I'm getting really angry."

"I'm angry too! It's not fair! John needs me in his life! I'm a part of his life, you can't just - _yank_ me out of it!"

He scoffed. "Then clean yourself up, Mom. Clean up your fucking act. My son isn't gonna be around you if you're gonna be like this."

She opened her mouth to say something but then stopped, squeezing her eyes shut and crying.

He softened slightly. "Mom."

Slowly, he cooled down, kneeling down beside his mother. "Mom, I'm gonna get you some help, okay? I'm not-" He shook his head firmly. "I'm not leaving you."

She sobbed and grasped his hand, nodding her head.

"I'm not leavin' you," he repeated. "And I'm not taking you from John, but he isn't seeing you when you're drunk. That isn't healthy, it's not right, and John isn't gonna be exposed to this like I was. You're not that person anymore, Mom. Don't let it pull you under again. You've got this. And if you don't..."

Tears streamed from her eyes, and her tired eyes were glued onto his face desperately clinging to his words.

"I'm gonna get you some help," he repeated.

...

_Going over to a good friend's apartment. Is that ok? _he sent to his foster mom, Margaret.

_Yes, we'll watch him as long as you need,_ came the response.

Smiling sadly, he shoved his phone back into his pocket and drove into the driveway of Adrian's apartment building. He went up to her door and knocked, sighing to himself.

"Hey." She pulled the door open and immediately recognized that something was wrong. "What's going on, Ricky?"

Before saying anything, he stepped into the apartment and let her shut the door. "I want to do things right with you, Adrian. Do you know that?"

"I - sure, Ricky, what's going on? What are you talking about?"

"I don't want to be a fuck up," he whispered the last two words because his head dropped onto her shoulder and he cried.

"Ricky, hey, hey, what? What happened?" Adrian wrapped her arms tight around him and held him.

"Nothin'..." He shook his head.

"Please. Just tell me."

"Just dealing with my mother," he answered succinctly. "Just dealing with my mother and her choices and realizing that I never want to be like that, that the first thing I thought about when I woke up this morning was you. The first place I wanted to go to after dealing with my addict of a mother was your place, to see you, to tell you how sorry I am." He sobbed, his shoulders shaking against her.

"For what?" she murmured. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I have a long list," he muttered firmly, looking into her eyes.

She swallowed. "It's in the past. Ricky."

"When I heard you lost your daughter, I held Amy and just cried. I couldn't believe that happened to her, to Mercy." Hearing Adrian's daughter's name from his lips brought tears to her own eyes. "I couldn't believe that happened to you. Didn't wanna accept it. I wanted to go in the hospital room and comfort you, but I knew it would be weird, and I couldn't. You were there for me when Amy and I had John. I wasn't there for you, and I'm sorry."

Tears streamed down Adrian's face as he spoke. "I looked for you," she murmured. "When I lost her, I looked for you. Although I knew you wouldn't be there. Ben was there, my mom came, I - I asked for Amy, because I knew I couldn't ask for you." She tried to pull his face back to look at her but he looked away. "I'm not mad. There's nothing to be mad about. We weren't together."

"The way I treated you, that's somethin' to be mad about," he said, still looking away, squeezing his face up as tears fell from his eyes.

"Ricky," Adrian breathed. She shushed him and wrapped him back into an embrace and the two of them cried until there were no more tears left to cry.

They slid underneath the blanket on the couch and held each other as they breathed slowly, the two of them nearing sleep, exhausting from crying.

...

When Adrian woke up, she carefully pulled herself from Ricky's arms, trying not to wake him, as she padded into the kitchen and started the coffee pot.

Ricky, feeling the absence of Adrian's body against his, slowly blinked open his eyes and woke up, before panicking when he realized that he had fallen asleep at Adrian's place and hadn't let his foster parents know, hadn't let John know.

He sat up on the couch and typed out a message.

_Found my mom drunk and went to talk to Adrian, fell asleep at her apartment. I'm really sorry. How is John? I didn't mean for this to happen._

_Ricky,_ the message vibrated on his phone, _don't worry about it. John's fine. He's playing. He's had breakfast._

"Hey," Adrian said softly, noticing that Ricky was awake.

"Hey," he said, distracted, as he typed out another message. _It won't happen again. I'm sorry. _

He looked up at Adrian and smiled at her. "Hey, so I've got to get going," he said, walking over to her in the kitchen.

He wrapped his arms around her. "I didn't tell my foster mom that I was spending the night. I didn't really mean to fall asleep."

"Can't you stay a little longer?" she asked, hopeful.

"I wish I could, but I can't. I've got to pick up John."

She nodded in understanding, not willing to argue about time he needed or wanted to spend with his son. "Okay."

He leaned in to kiss her and brushed her hair out of her face. "Maybe I can have them watch him tomorrow and come over here. I just - I want John to know. I don't want him to wonder where I am."

"Or maybe...tonight?" she asked suggestively, biting her lip.

He smirked softly, knowing what she was asking. "Maybe. I'll call you."

She nodded, feeling slightly disappointed. "Okay."

He sensed the disappointment in her voice and said back, "Believe me, I'd love to see you tonight. Let me just talk to my foster parents." He kissed her again and pulled away and they said their goodbyes. "I'll see you," he said.

"See you."

...

"Hey, Margaret. Where's Sanjay?"

"Oh, he's working at his computer. Nice to see you, Ricky." She stood up from the couch to pull him in for a hug and he grinned from ear to ear, wrapping his arms around her.

"Nice to see you, too. It's kind of been a while, hasn't it?"

"Mm. A little bit. Because you've been with that girlfriend of yours." She raised her eyebrows and smiled. "A good friend?"

He laughed. "I didn't know what else to say. You know my history with her."

She gave him a look. "The past doesn't determine who you can become."

He scoffed, thinking of his mother. "Doesn't it?"

"It... can make it hard."

He let a beat of silence pass between them as he stood there in thought. "So I'm sorry for last night. I know I should have called. I should have been more responsible than I was. It was just kind of upsetting seeing my mom drunk after all this time... I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"Ricky, I know you didn't mean to. You worry too much, really. John was safe and happy here. He's always welcome, both of you. I let him know you were with your friend and he said you were with Adrian. He talked nonstop about her. He likes her."

He smirked, happy to hear it. "Well, that's good to hear."

"Ricky, what happened with your mother?"

He looked away. "I guess she's back to her old ways."

"You mean with alcohol? Is she using anything else?"

"I don't know," he said, clenching his jaw. "I really don't know. But she needs help. She's pretty messed up right now. I don't know why now or what triggered it."

"Oh, that's got to be hard, Ricky," she brushed her hand up and down his arm. "You're a good son. Your mother's lucky to have you."

He smiled sadly. "You'll always be my mom too," he said.

"I know it, Ricky. I know. Sanjay and I will always love you and John. And Adrian_. _You're all welcome over anytime. We'd like to see more of you."

"I want that too. I've just been busy between being a -" he paused, but said it anyway, "a single parent, and having a girlfriend, and a job."

"It's tough being an adult." She nodded.

"Yeah." He sighed. "Would it be okay if you took John tonight? I want to take him to the park or somethin' today, but I kinda wanted to see Adrian tonight. If that's not out of line to ask. I lost my babysitter," he said bitterly.

She shook her head with a sad smile on her face. "Not at all. We'd love to have him."

"Thank you. He's lucky to have you. So am I."

"Go hang out with John for the day and bring him back tonight. He's hanging out with Ethan. I hope that's okay."

"That's fine. Thank you."

"You're welcome." She embraced him again and he hugged her tightly.

...


End file.
